


The one you want

by MaryBarrens



Series: Merlin Translations [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 13:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6755965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryBarrens/pseuds/MaryBarrens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>„I think Gwen will be a wonderful queen.“ </p><p>Arthur stared at him silently for a few moments and then his hands dropped from Merlin´s face and shoulder and his arms fell down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one you want

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [The one you want](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3870943) by [MaryBarrens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryBarrens/pseuds/MaryBarrens). 



Even in the middle of the day, the courtyard was crowded with people preparing the royal wedding of their beloved king. 

Arthur tore his eyes away from the window, but stood there still, facing Merlin. „Do you think that I´m doing the right thing?“ he asked. 

„Hm?“ Merlin looked at him, confused by the question. „What do you mean?“ 

Arthur didn´t roll his eyes. He didn´t move either and he didn´t even try for another of his stupid insults about Merlin´s incopetence or lacking intelligence (because Merlin was his servant which apparently meant he was supposed to not only fulfil all Arthur´s demands and whims, but foresee all his needs or something). He was serious. 

Merlin frowned. 

Arthur sighed and finally looked away from Merlin´s face. His shoulders dropped a little. „Do you think that I´m doing the right thing marrying Guinevere?“ he specified. There was a tension in his voice. 

Was he hesitating? After everything he and Gwen went through to get here, was he suddenly hesitating? 

„I don´t think it´s appropriate for me to try to give you advice about your relationships,“ Merlin said vaguely and crossed the chamber to get some distance between Arthur and himself, just for a moment. He could clean up, maybe. Do some dusting. Wash the floors. Find that tunic he´s hidden somewhere in Arthur´s wardrobe and clean it properly. Polish some boots. Or he could finally get rid of the flower he gave Arthur as a joke a few days ago and that was still in a vase on the table, however wilted. Should he get Arthur a new one? Or he should help Gaius, Gaius probably needed his help with something or other –

„I asked you for your opinion,“ Arthur pointed out and Merlin looked at him without thinking. Arthur was frowning and his stare never left Merlin´s face, a little darker then usually. He was serious, not a trace of laughter or amusement. 

Merlin swallowed. „Do you really want to know what I think?“ 

He thoughtlessly dipped a cloth in water and run it over the table, but he´s forgotten to wring it out and it made a puddle on the table. Some water overflew the edge of the table and started to drop to the ground slowly. 

Arthur didn´t comment on it, but he did follow the drops with his eyes for a moment. He didn´t even comment on Merlin´s question. He just shook his head and turned back to the window. 

Merlin didn´t know if it meant that their conversation was over or if Arthur just didn´t want to look at him. Not that it mattered much. Either way, Merlin didn´t know what to say. 

Arthur snorted bitterly and rested his forehead on the cold glass with a soft knock, like he was looking out. Merlin was almost sure his eyes were closed. 

„You decided to be quiet _now_ of all the times?“ Arthur asked quietly, without opening his eyes. He sounded tired, almost sad. But Arthur wasn´t supposed to be sad. He was supposed to be in a good mood, happy even, because he was marrying a girl he loved, in only a few days. He was marrying Gwen and he was supposed to be happy. Merlin knew Gwen would make Arthur happy. And that was the only thing that mattered to him, really. Yes, he wanted Arthur to be a great, just king, in time, he wanted him to unite Albion, to bring magic back, but in the end, when he stopped to think about it, the only thing he really wanted was for Arthur to be happy. 

He would give up his dreams about Albion, or even his magic – if he didn´t need it to keep Arthur safe – he would give up Camelot, if it would make Arthur happy. 

Suddenly it occured to him if _that_ was what the great dragon really meant, when he was talking about destiny and coins. If he knew, back then, that one day, the happiness of the young king will be hundred – thousand – times more important to Merlin than his own life. 

Merlin shook his head to concentrate. 

Arthur copied his move, his eyes narrowed in thought. „Why are you _quiet_?“ he asked chokedly and so quiet, like he was talking to himself. It sent shivers down Merlin´s spine. 

He had to stay silent. He had to, because if he opened his mouth, he would tell him everything. About his magic. About unleashing the dragon on Camelot, before sending it away again, about saving Arthur´s life over and over since the day one. About staying at his side not because he is Arthur´s servant or friend, but because he can´t imagine the world where he´s not with him. 

Arthur, still looking at his face – and Merlin was scared to think about how much Arthur could read in his eyes at that moment (But then, it was _Arthur_. Branches falling down on bandits, who were just about to kill him, were just a strike of luck to him.) – slowly, almost hesitatingly crossed the distance between them and put his hand on Merlin´s shoulder. His palm was warm, the touch much more tender than anything Merlin expected. Arthur tilted his head to the side, his eyes questioning. 

Merlin forgot to breathe, when Arthur lifted his other hand and touched his face gently with the pads of his fingers, just next to the corner of Merlin´s lips. 

„Arthur,“ he murmured in confusion and finally looked at him. 

Arthur eyes were wide and open in a way Merlin´s never seen before. He wasn´t able to describe Arthur´s expression, but there was expectation, maybe a little hope, and Merlin wanted to lean into him, to slip his fingers into Arthur´s hair and bring him closer. He wanted to kiss Arthur so badly that his hands started to shake. The cloth fell to the floor. 

Merlin inhaled shakily and Arthur, focused on the movement, softly traced the shape of Merlin´s lips with his fingertips. Maybe, Merlin thought, maybe he could hope for a moment. That Arthur wouldn´t push him away if he tried to kiss him, hope that the king wanted Merlin just as much as Merlin wanted him, maybe –

„You´re never quiet,“ Arthur murmured. „Why don´t you want to tell me what you think now?“ 

Merlin exhaled slowly. No, he couldn´t hope. Arthur never wanted him, but Gwen. He couldn´t tell him the truth. And Gwen was his friend, and if there was one thing Merlin knew for sure, it was that Gwen will make Arthur happy. 

„I…“ he managed weakly and Arthur nodded encouragingly, so he went on. „I think Gwen will be a wonderful queen.“ 

Arthur stared at him silently for a few moments and then his hands dropped from Merlin´s face and shoulder and his arms fell down. He stepped back, his shoulders suddenly tense. His face was no longer open. 

„You´re right,“ he said quietly, his voice not as gentle as it was only minutes ago, when he was touching Merlin. Colder. He nodded decisively and didn´t stop looking at Merlin, his eyes clear and sad. Then he straightened up and squared his shoulders, determined, like he just made a difficult decision. „She will be a great queen for Camelot.“ 

„And for you,“ Merlin added and Arthur turned his back to him and returned to the window. He leaned his palms on the windowsill, bended forward a little and shook his head almost imperceptibly. 

„I´m glad that the two of you can finally be together,“ Merlin said honestly. „That the both of you can have what you want, to be with the person you love.“ 

Arthur didn´t answer, lost in thought. Merlin nodded slowly to himself. 

„If you don´t need me, Gaius wanted me to help him with something. To… clean the leach tank or fetch him some herbs, I´m not sure.“ 

„Of course,“ Arthur agreed promptly, without turning to him. „You can go.“ 

Of course. Because Arthur was getting married. He was the king, and he was in love with a beautiful, wonderful woman, his future queen. He didn´t need Merlin´s company twenty four hours a day. 

Merlin picked up the cloth, dropped it into the bucket and took it with him as he walked to the door. 

„Merlin,“ Arthur spoke up behind him just as he was reaching out for the handle. Merlin turned to him without thinking. 

Arthur stared at him, his eyes surprisingly dark, pleading. „What do _you_ want, Merlin?“ he asked softly. His voice was so quiet that Merlin could hardly hear him. 

He smiled faintly. „I just want you to be the king you are supposed to be, to unite your lands in peace.“ He paused and had to swallow before he could continue. „But what I want the most is for you to be happy. And I know you will be happy with Gwen.“ 

Arthur inhaled shakingly and for a moment it looked like he was going to say something, but then he nodded slowly and silently watched Merlin to make a small bow (Merlin never bowed to him!) and leave his chambers. 

He looked out the window again. The courtyard was crowded with people preparing the royal wedding and he hated himself for never telling Merlin that he didn´t love Guinevere. 


End file.
